User talk:Drous
'Hey Everyone, Look at Me! I somersaulted through the door and there was lighting pouring out of the room I was coming from. The light made me look hella mysterious to anyone who might be in the room I was rolling into. Nothing's more mysterious than being silhouetted by a shit load of light. The incandescent kind you get from one of them beefy light bulbs that burns out in about a week, not that soft light given off by florescent bulbs that last four years and don't give off a shadow. Those are unnerving. I'm all about being not unnerving. Nerving if you will. The people in the room looked all surly and pissed off at me for barging in on what appeared to be nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't know any better. These people needed some serious rescuing. All at once I carried them out into the open one at a time. All of the sudden the moon fell on the room I just exited. I was surprised, the moon usually takes holidays off, but it must not recognize memorial day as a holiday. It's probably German or something. The people from the room weren't so ungrateful now. They seemed to think I knew what was going to happen, which would explain why I hauled them out. It was cool. They were fucking stupid. I didn't mean to save them, it just happened. My favorite pass time is moving people and things from one place to another place a few feet away and turning them to anything but a right angle. I call it ransackery. Out of nowhere all these vans with satellite dishes came and people started taking my picture. I don't think they turned out too well though. When you're sixteen cubic feet most pictures don't. They told me to strike a heroic pose, so I did. I then passed out from holding the pose too long (everyone knows you(meaning me) can't breathe and pose at the same time). I came to awhile later and I was made into a hero. The moon was my archenemy, cause every hero needs an archenemy. I got corporate sponsorship too. That means I can quit my nonexistent day job in favor or doing what I love most while sporting patches with my sponsors logos. An lucky for me, I share a name with my biggest sponsor. They probably wouldn't have had to pay me, they could've just given me cool gear with our same name on it. Wearing stuff with your own name on it is hella trendy nowadays. And that's me. Trendy. And sixteen cubic feet. Jealous? I don't believe we've been properly introduced I'm four feet wide but not morbidly obese. I'm four feet tall but not short. I'm taller than you damn it. Now guess how much depth I got. That's right, One foot (If you got that, then you clearly actively read the Attention Grabbing Action. I state repeatedly my sixteen cubic feetness, and its given that I'm four feet wide and tall and everyone who might read this knows that volume=(height)(width)(depth). If not then you're stupid. That means that reading this far is quite an accomplishment for you. Congratulations.). I told you I wasn't morbidly obese. Just bitchenly proportioned. I've also got me some almost super powers. For example I can move and rotate objects with my bare hands to were they just don't look right. This is the power I used to save all them helpless muggles,( you know, non-magical folk) who the moon almost killed. I can also turn bright red whenever I want. Even on a school night. In a completely unrelated note I can pass out whenever I want. I can also change my appearance, but I can't really control it; sometimes I'll be taller than you, other times shorter. Outta control eh? My Turn Ons Include... Now, onto my likes and dislikes. I like air conditioning. It keeps me cool during summer. I dislike the moon. It's always bringing me down. What with all the rampaging and killing of innocent bystanders in an attempt to get at the real prize, me. I like being the protagonist in life. I dislike sudden changes to being the antagonist, but luckily I'm too cautious to ever let that happen. I hope for my sake that's not foreshadowing (It isn't). You Should Probably Know The moon is a crazed satellite. The sad thing is, the moon wasn't always like that. The moon used to be cool. Then there was that whole volcano incident. That didn't set to well with the moon, but at the time it was in no condition to do anything about it, but that didn't lose. After those damn hoodlums put that magic top hat on it and animated the moon, its been doing something about a lot of things. I'm one of those things. The moon had been jealous of my abilities that it could never have. Like my ability to grow hair, and my ability to roll a coin across my knuckles like the front man from Bush did in Constantine. It's a really neat trick. That's all you need to know. Now back to where we started. Overdoing Dialogue I had hoped the moon would leave me be after missing me and crushing that building I was just in, but it didn't. So I ran. Really fast for someone of my build. The moon just rolled on after me. It was gaining on me. Quite a feat for something equal or greater than me in size. I was getting pretty frantic. I was in no shape to fight the moon at the time. I had just eaten, then swam right afterwards. To lose the moon I start running all zig-zaggedly. I looked over my shoulder, and sure enough it worked. The moon was no longer on my tail. Then, KABOOM. I ran into a bear, who was running in the opposite direction of me. I upset it. It claws me across the stomach. I almost die, but I'm not phased. I see why the bear was running, the was a flock of pirates on its ass. A cool battle ensues. I kill all the pirates. The bear doesn't seem as pleased as you'd think it'd be after having all of the people that were after it die. I ask the bear, "What's up?" "I was being chased by a flock of pirates and a crazy ninja," replied the furry behemoth. "Really?" I unnecessarily ask. "Really." "But I see only pirate bodies at my feet," said I. "I'd be a lot happier if there was a ninja one too, that was the dangerous one, its got like all this cool black gear, a sword, some fire balls, num-chucks, your know, ninja stuff." I wonder, "Why were all these seedy fellows after you fuzzy wuzzy?" "My fur," replied fuzzy wuzzy matter o factly. "And my names Craig." This amazes Trevor, "I sit in front of a Craig in my English class, are you he?" "Ima bear, we don't need school, we're born furrier and taller than you people. It's probably just a big coincidence that I have the same name as someone you know." "As two people I know." corrected I, "You've got the same name as my pet fish. Minus the 2 of course." I notice the bear's tiring of this conversation about his name, his eyes are all twitchy. In an attempt to get out of the conversation with me the bear pokes a claw at my gut, "That's a pretty bad scratch I gave you, maybe you should go to a hospital." Me? Go to a hospital? Heroes need no medical help, so I lie, "What, this scratch? I've had that for weeks. I cut myself shaving." "With a five bladed foot wide razor?" Nosed the bear. Foot? That's clearly not the metric system I'm used to. "There sure are a lot of Craigs nowadays," says I, trying to get the conversation back the right track. Fuzzie's eyes continue to twitch around, I don't think he's any less fed up than he was last time I described him. To this the bear replies, "I can read minds stupid, my names not Fuzzy and I'm all twitchy cause that ninjas still out there." "Cool," Says me, "I can help you with your ninja problem. I once had a pretty bad infestation of them in my room before. I sprayed this stuff and it killed em all in a jiff." The bear doesn't seem as confident in my ninja killing skills as I am and asks, "Are you sure that it was a ninja infestation, and not ANTS?" "I'm sure." Of course I'm sure, I'm not stupid. "Yes you are." SHIT. Forgot that Craig could read minds. Time for a reply from my witty repertoire. "NO YOU'RE STUPID!" He barley saw that coming. BRILLIANT. And What to my Wonder Eyes Should Appear The Ninja! Thank God. I was running out of things to say. The ninja threw a ninja star at me, but luckily it just hit a rib. I blinked. The ninja turns toward fuzzy. "My name is Craig damnit." "My bad," I apologized. "Hey, Ninja," I continued, "what the hells wrong with you. Bears are hella majestic. Stop trying to kill it." "But my people, Ninjas, don't, and never have, liked bears," explained the Ninja. Looks like it's up to me to end the bad blood between these two fellows. As I ponder a solution my mind wanders to what it always does. Food. Of course! Pudding. From my pocket I pull my four pack of chocolate and vanilla snack packs. Good thing I didn't eat it at break. The bear and ninja are confused by the snack pack. That's because their stupid compared to me. I'm smart. It's because I'm a senior. "Follow the Puddings lead. Black and white pudding, hella opposites, together in one snack pack." I hand them each a snack pack, keeping two for myself. Between the scratch and ninja star I've lost a lot of blood, I need some nourishment. I'm not fat. "Wow," goes the ninja, "many have tried to explain to me why I shouldn't hate bears, but no ones ever put it in such a delicious way." "Since we're all friends now why don't you tell us your name mighty ninja," I suggest. "Danielle," Answered Danyell. "You're fucking retarded. How the hell do you misspell a name in your own internal monologue," Inquired my clairvoyant fuzzy friend. Not caring for that outburst I continue discussing Danyell's name, "That's a pretty girly name for a ninja." "Ima pretty girly ninja," explains my new best ninja. Now What? "Now what do we do," questioned Craig, breaking the 45 minutes of silence, "all I've ever known is feuding with pirates and ninjas, and in fifteen minutes you've taken all direction out of my life." "Same here," agrees Danielle. "Don't worry, I'm sure there's all kinds of opportunities out there for someone as fury as you Craig, and for someone as Asian as you Danielle." Offended, Danielle takes a note outta Craig's book., "You're fucking retarded." Agreeing, Craig says, "I concur." I see that their dead set against getting real jobs, so, going against my better instincts I decide to offer them the opportunity of my life time. "You can help me kill the moon." My new friends don't seem so upset now. "Sounds good to me," adds Craig's two cents. "Gotta kill something," adds Danielle. "Before the killing starts there's something I'll need you twos help with." 15 Minutes later, our Heroes find themselves outside... Craig #2's house. By my, human, standards Craig #2's house is nothing special. But for a fish with a leash, it's really quite extravagant. I somersault into Craig #2's house. It's cool, just like the first time I somersaulted into a building. My new friends don't make nearly as spectacular an entrance, they just walk in, avoiding the shards of door I left in my wake. I look at Craig #2, who's staring at me from his plain round bowl that stands on a mighty pedestal in the middle of his living room. I think he's pissed. "About time," Mimed, it's a gold fish so of course he doesn't talk, Craig #2, "I had to resort to eating the castle and half the treasure chest." Craig(the fuzzy one) looked appalled. I wonder why. "I thought your bowl looked a little empty," Confessed I as I went to his kitchen in search of the Craig #2 food. It's never in the same place. Today the zebra was hiding behind the Mr. T Chia pet. Cha Cha Cha Chia. I lobbed the zebra into the bowl and covered my eyes. I swear, that fish has the worst table manners. After the feeding frenzy I enlist the help of Bear and Ninja. We have a team huddle. When you go up against a formidable opponent such as Craig #2, you need a game plan. "Wait, what the hell are we gonna do to my name same plus the #2?" Asked Bear. "Take it for a walk ofcourse," I answer, "didn't you notice that leash around its neck? That's not just for looks." "Why'd you need our help then?" Asked Ninja, continuing the stupid question trend. "That's a stupid question," I condescend. We get back to the plan It was up to Danyell to distract Craig #2 with cool ninja moves. They were really cool. One of them involved hitting something really hard. And most of the moves were accompanied by cool swooshing sounds. So cool. A little too cool. Craig #2 wasn't the only one mesmerized by the cool ninja moves. Craig classic also found himself distracted, and it was supposed to be Craig's job to grab the leash. I'm not allowed to. "Craig's obviously not up for the job, it looks like its up to you to grab the leash and let Craig #2 take us wherever he will," Suggested Danyell. "I can't walk the fish, I'm not allowed to," answer I. "This is no time to follow the rules, I can't keep distracting the fish with my cool ninja moves," Shouts a borderline exhausted ninja. "Fine, but don't blame me for what's about to happen," I warn. I grab the leash. Holy Crap! Bang. Danyell has quit doing her cool ninja moves and Craig is now mesmerized by what just appeared in the room. The fish is unchanged. Sparkles and sprinkles everywhere. I stick my tongue out. The sprinkles are delicious but the sparkles burn like Tapatio. As the sparkles begin to clear I see the beast that has come from my mettling with the leash. It was 40 feet tall, seven tons, had a spiky reptileish tail attached to its giraffe body. It's feet looked like sharp points. I poke one. I bleed. They're as sharp as they look. Oh, and it has three heads. From left to right they're George Clooney's, a hippopotamus head wearing glasses, and an one eyed ostrich wearing an eye patch who's the only head without rugged stubble. Conveniently the heads introduce themselves from left to right. "George Clooney." "Roman." "Michael." "What are you and why are you here?" Demand Danyell. "You tried to take Craig #2 on a walk," answered George Clooney pointing his face at me, "You know you're not supposed to." "I tried not to, but I was overpowered," I lie. "Liar," Danyell calls my bluff, "I had no idea that you touching the leash would have such confusing consequences." "What's so confusing?" I ask, "I touched the leash and now this fellow is going to kill us all before Craig #2 can warm up enough to take us to the Moon, where we will kill the Moon." "How do you expect to kill the moon in the shape you all are in right now?" Asks Roman, "You should really consult the Sun on this subject." "Yeah, the Sun's an expert on Moon slaying," Adds Michael. "Nu-uh, they'll be too busy getting killed by us to get help from the sun!" Interjects George Clooney. "But George, we're tired of killing for a fish. These people probably have a lot better reason to kill the Moon than we do to kill them," Spoke Roman for he and Michael. "We really do! The moon tried to kill me," Says me. Little do they know, I started it! The Hippo and the Michael look hopefully to the George. "Hey, I play a doctor on TV, that means we kill them," Explains George. "Played a doctor on TV," I correct, "you haven't been on ER in years." This correction of his grammar causes the other two heads to look questioningly at Mr. Clooney. You lose a lot of credibility when someone like me corrects your grammar. "Hey, it's hard to be believable as a doctor when your hands are deadly weapons," says George holding up his two front Points. With George doubting his doctoring skills and the other two heads not completely on his side I decide that it's time to strike while the iron is George Clooney. I pull the ninja star out of my ribs and throw it at George Clooney's head. He dies. Craig is now mesmerized by his flopping lifeless head on Roman and Michaels shoulder. Damn he's easily distracted. "You asshole, that was our only George Clooney," Shouts Michael as he uses one of his points on me elbow. It really hurts. "That was my our only George Clooney too!" I relate my parties new problem to his duos new problem. "It's not really our problem, he was trying to kill us," Adds Craig, finally not so entranced and abusing his ability to read minds. "Just your mind, your really easy to read, it's not much of a feat." I decide not to think about what he's implying... "That you're stupid," Explains Danyell. Ouch. My feelings. "See, I can read your mind too. Are you seriously not aware of the fact that you say everything you think out loud as loud as you normally talk." "I found an appropriate volume to talk at and stuck with it. And about this whole thinking aloud thing, is that why this entire story is in quotations?" Ask I. "Ask you indeed," Demonstrates Craig his ability to hear me talk, "Stop thinking like Yoda, and yes that's why the quotations are there." "Time to my a conscious effort to keep my thoughts were they belong, in my noggin!"' There's that conscious effort. I hope I didn't think/say anything offensive to the freak of nature standing before me before I was making an effort to keep my thoughts to myself. The hippo head of the freak says, "You're keeping you thoughts to yourself now, but I really can read minds. And it shouldn't be as much of a surprise as it seems to you." Well I'm just damned if I do and damned if I don't. "I am after all a two, formerly three, headed mythicalish creature." "Makes sense," Roars Craig, who's accustomed to mythical creatures from his time living in the forests of Yuba City. Onto Business "All freakishness aside," Moderates the Ninja, "What's the deal with you?" "There was a horrible accident that separated our old third head into its own normal self, which is now Craig #2, and replaced it with George Clooneys," Explains the glasses wearing hippo. "Call me Roman," adds the glasses wearing hippo. "I blame George Clooney," Michael says. "Me too," I agree. I really don't like George Clooney. Oceans Twelve just sucked so much. Breaking the Clooney bashing trend, Danyell gets back to buisness, "What was that you two were saying about the sun?" "Hey, I ask the questions around here!" I assert myself! Assert, and get another ninja star in my ribs. Still not phased. My ribs were missing the old ninja star anyways. Answering Danyell, Roman says, "Sure, you three are fuzzy, able to throw ninja stars, and able to take them to the ribs, but you lack the necessary.....what's the word I'm looking for Michael?" "Awesomeness?" Suggested Michael. "Close, but I was thinking like...more gooder," Explained Roman, "know what I mean." "I do," Rawred Craig, "is righteous the word your looking for?" "Bingo. None of you are righteous enough to face the moon as you are now," Taught Roman. "Could you kill the moon for us then?" Suggested, not begged, I. "We're not righteous, we're wise," Said Roman and Michael in unison. "Well then, how in the hell are we supposed to get more righteous?" Ask I, the most righteous of the trio. "For one, don't say hell. Not too righteous." Lectured the blind ostrich that was Michael, "And for two, go make friends with the Sun." "Yea, the Sun's hella righteous. Once I was burning ants with a magnifying glass, and the sun got all pissed off at me, so the Sun lit my hair on fire," I agreed, "it would've left one of you muggles bald, but it just left me with an inability to grow hair on the right side of my face." It looks like I've upset those around me. Maybe it's from the bad Harry Potter reference, or my even badder and irrelevant story. Moving on, "Wanna take us to the moon?" "We can't, It take at least three living heads for us to travel with extra baggage," Say Michael and Roman creepily in unison again. "Rawr," Replies Craig, about to show the bears problem solving abilities. Craig made a small, delicate incision with his big clumsy claws on the right side of George Clooney's dead flopping neck. Craig then grabbed Craig #2 and, using his impressive sewing ability, surgically grafted my goldfish to the beasts neck. "Home at last," Mimed the fish. Magic Carpet Ride The beast was thankful to have itself back to normal plus a lifeless flopping George Clooney head. They promised that they wouldn't read my mind and would give us rides around the solar system to show their thanks. My little rag tag bunch of hooligans is growing nicely. The blind Michael head used the beasts heightened sense of magic and summoned up a cool carpet. We all sat on it and started out journey to the sun. The carpet had good suspension, the ride was surprisingly smooth. This let us enjoy the scenery on the way to the sun. There were stars, some darkness, and on the way outta the atmosphere we saw some cool colors, perhaps the northern lights. As we approached the sun we had to start squinting. Craig #2 had thought ahead and began handing out shades. They made us look real smooth. We reached the sun. "Hi Sun," I greeted. "Call me Matt," Insisted the Sun. "Matt, we've have come to you in our hour of need. We think you're hella cool. Make us cool like you," I appealed to Matts awesome side. "Yea, about that...." Began Matt. "You're so shiny and impressive!" Rawred and interrupted Craig. He cantered over to the sun and gave it an appropriate for Craig bear hug. It looked hot. Hot as in burningly warm, not the other kind of hot. There was lots of bright incandecent light and this cool sound. The kind of sound that they have in movies when there's a pillar of light on something holy, like a choir or something singing one note. After a few seconds the hug ended with Craig being blown back a few feet and lying smoldering on the magic carpet. "Like I was about to say, I can only give the power of righteousness to one of you," Explained Matt, "and I just gave that power to fuzzy here when he manhandled me." "Call me Craig," Moaned the Smoldering Fuzz. "I thought we agreed that I, being the most righteous of us, would get the power," I complained, "I would've become the best moon fighter of all of us." "Less whining, more moon killing," Said Craig, who was recovering from all the manhandling he did. "That is what we came here for," Agreed Danyell. "See, even my sworn enem... I mean, new best friend, agrees with continuing on with the plan," Craig put into perspective. I guess it doesn't matter who takes care of the moon, as long as they get the job done. I'm really tired of that fellow, the moon that is. "Well Matt, thanks for empowering my friend," I say goodbye, "I'll probably send you my Christmas card later if we end up beating the moon. You know, to show appreciation. We're gonna get going now. You know, places to go, moons to kill." "We've all got our inner moons to fight. See ya later," Said Matt to us all. Everyone else said their good byes that I didn't pay attention to cause there was no way they'd be as deep and soulful as the one I gave. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! The trip to the moon wasn't nearly as fun as that to the sun. There was no leaving of an atmosphere and riding the magic carpet had just lost its novelty. I thought I saw a shooting star once and made a wish, but it was just Mir, the Russian space station, burning up in the atmosphere. I hope that doesn't mean my wish won't come true. I didn't tell anyone so hopefully it will. We landed on the surface of Earths mighty Satellite and expected the worse. Lots of henchmen. We heard the moons booming voice, "You will all be made into dead versions of yourself after my henchmen are through with you!" I was expecting some cool catch phrase or something. What a disappointment. Then came the henchmen. Two of them. A black unicorn and a robot. When dealing with something as science fictiony as the moon I expected like an army of robots. Dissappointed once again. The moon is more disappointing than the first time I went to Sonic. It's just not the same as In and Out no matter how hard they try. "Why aren't you two an army of robots?" I ask, "That would've been alot more impressive." "If there were more than one of Tommy then the that is Tommy would be cheapened by not being one of a kind," Explained the Black unicorn, "I'm Brianne by the way, a black unicorn." "You don't seem that evil," Notices Danyell, a formerly evil ninja. "I'm not. But my tatoo is," Pointed the Unicorn at its armed flower tattoo. It actually had a gun. "I can probably fix that," Rawred the righteous Craig, "Wax on, Wax off," Said Craig as he moved his hands over Brianne's tattoo. It didn't dissappear, but its gun did. "Now I guess I'm Harmless, Thanks." Said the unicorn. The robot known as Tommy began dancing. Very well. It made me nervous that he wasn't dancing for our side. "Someone do something about Tommy, he's freaking me out. Dancing that well against us can't be good for us." "Hi, I'm Roman," Introduced the middle head of the beast, "I like your moves. In a straight way of course." "Of course," Everyone concurred. "Thanks," Said Tommy, "You all are nicer than the moon. The moons a real ass. I'll dance in your troupe now." Cool. I've never belonged to a troupe before. So now we had a troupe and we took care of the moons henchmen. This is all very anti climactic. "Onward Ho!" Said I, in a dramatic pose pointing into the direction of the magical hat that gives the moon its power of beefcakeness. We begin dancing towards our destination. Tommy is very influential. "Why dance, when you can prance!" Suggested the black unicorn. "No," All but Brianne shout. "Sorry, just trying out my newest catch phrase," Apologized blacky. As we near the hat I dance face first into a big tower. I really should keep my eyes on were I'm going. I mean, it's not like the tower popped out of no where. It was hella gigantic. "Hey, what's your deal?" I question the tower. "It's a prison," Says a voice. "Are you the prison?" I ask. "Nope, the prisoner," Answered the prisoner, "I'm Princess Amelia." "Cool," I feign interest, "Why are you being held prisoner?" "The moon wanted to keep up with other evil villains, so it decided to kidnap a princess," Explained the Amelia, "I was lured here by a trail of small sample cups of Chai Late." "The pumpkin flavored tea?" Asks Danyell. "Yea, its really good," Shares Amelia. "Craig, do it to it," I point to the tower. Craig works his magic. The tower disappears and Amelia falls from its top and lands on fuzzy. "You make rescuing princesses look easy!" Said an impressed Amelia. "Well, we are an impressive bunch. Especially Tommy. Look at him go," Says Michael, who somehow knows how Tommy is going even though he can't look himself. We all admire Tommy's dancing for about twenty minutes. "Wow, that's more impressive than the rescue of me!" Says Amelia, making us all jealous of Tommy's mad skills. "Well, I really should be going. I've got a lot of princessing to catch up on." And as fast as Amelia entered out lives, Amelia was skipping out of them. Are we there yet? YES, YES WE ARE We dance to a halt. We have find ourselves standing before the source of the moons animation. We could take it and its new wearer would gain all the powers that the moon had, like being able to live, and the moon would be left it its normal state. It would still have power over the tides and the ability to eclipse stuff from time to time, but for the most part harmless. Craig rushes ahead of us all once again. Fuzzy takes the top hat and places it upon his fuzzy head. I start getting it. Craig gains the power of the moon. The moon is powerless. "It's done." I conclude. "Bull-fucking-shit," Inappropriately adds Craig. The moon is devoured before our very eyes by the mighty bear. "RAWR. What now. Still want my majestic fur coat ninja." This is a different side of Craiger. A gigantic, moon sized, vengeful and proud Craig. I'm appalled, but a little proud. The bear has grown into a mighty moon. I can't help but feel responsible for this improvement. "I suggest you all flee before my might!" Suggested the new Moon. Everyone began climbing onto the magic carpet. I should've known it would've been too easy for everyone to be let go. But I didn't. I was surprised when a gaping hole appeared and Danyell fell into it. Everyone else just left. They didn't wanna get eaten. Pansies. "You asshole. You couldn't live and let live. You cut open my stomach. I pretended not to be phased, but I really was, and I still didn't kill you then. I could've. You were just a fucking bear. Ima four by four!" I lecture, "Now I'm gonna kick you ass. Danyell was cool even though she kept ninja starring me." An epic battle ensues. Like that battle between the Ewoks and Rebels against the Empire in Return of the Jedi only in outer space instead of the forest moon of Endor. This moon was no forest. Oh, and the good guys end up losing this battle. The moon smashes me. I was a match for the original moon, and a match for Craig, but combined....damn. Just damn. I lost. And I die. It sucks. What's worse is that I lose all my corporate sponsors. It Can't End Like This (After Word) Amelia was halfway home when she heard the commotion that lead to the protagonists death. She turns and heads back, knowing this time not to be trapped by her love of Chai Late. She sees that the new, fuzzy moon, that once broke her fall has eaten the ninja that shared her like of Chai Late. So she hits the moon. This cracks it just enough to allow Danyell to slice and dice her way out of her prison/former and current mortal enemy Craig the bear. The new fuzzy moon is shattered. His debris fell to Earth. A lot of stuff blew up. Besides that it turns out that the moon helped keep the Earth in orbit. It falls out of orbit and breaks. Now everyone has to live in space. It's like living underwater, only you can see further out your window and there's no dolphins annoying you with their squeaks and giggles.